Valentine's Day ...

     Yes, Valentine's Day has become overly commercialized. Yes, I know, flower shops and candy stores make a killing and most men hate feeling obligated to come through on that one day. Single people bitch about how depressing it is, but people in long term relationships bitch just as much because they 'have' to celebrate it. I love my boyfriend and he treats me wonderfully, but Valentine's Day is one thing we have never been able to agree on.


     Boyfriend says "I've never been a huge fan of valentine's day, but this year for some reason just feels unbearable. The idea of a hallmark holiday that traps people into certain social patterns ... the idea of making it special because society dictates it as a special day is stupid, why not treat your partner like that every day? why conform?" I completely agree with him, but there is not a single person I know who goes out of their way to treat their friends/family/partner that special on any day that isn't Valentine's Day, or a birthday, or Christmas. If he did write me a cute note on random occasions, maybe get me flowers or a balloon that I don't have to ask for, then I could see treating Valentine's Day like just another day. Women have the expectation that they're going to get at least a small nod from their boyfriends or husbands on that day, and they look forward to it because there is no other day of the year that is dedicated solely to making someone feel loved and thought of.


    Every male I know seems to miss the fact that if they have a girl or are in a relationship, then they too get to expect something special on Valentine's Day. I might not get my man flowers or a cheesy tie, but I happily planned a special homemade dinner consisting of his favorite foods to take to a drive-in double feature and a cute little card. It's not much, nor is it material or commercial; just a small nice night together during our busy work/school week. That's all women want. We don't want the things, we want the effort. And you know what guys? Yeah, we expect you to do something on valentine's day ... not just to make you conform with all the other couples, but because it has become the only day out of the calendar year that it's socially acceptable for us to want those special gestures from you. 


     Men used to have to formally court women and care for them, and while I'm glad that our society has moved forward enough to allow men and women to be equals, it saddens me that for the most part chivalry has died out. It becomes assumed that if you pay for a few dinners out together every couple months that a girl knows she's loved and cared for, but the effort and forethought involved in slipping a few bills on the table (while appreciated) is minimal. In long-running relationships we become complacent and days like the dreaded V-Day loose impact and importance, and we don't realize that without continuing to make those occasional special gestures the romance can fade away too.


   If not doing anything on Valentine's Day makes me sad, it's not because of a silly holiday or lack of cheap flowers and drugstore chocolates, its the fact that said boyfriend lets his qualms about a silly holiday keep him from celebrating us with me.

Setting Sail

     I just wanted to update on my new year so far. As always there are ups and downs, but I feel for the first time in my life that everything is finally coming together. Since high school my life has steadily improved in every aspect, but my progress in 2011 takes the cake. I've got a full roster between work and school, but I adore my classes thus far and soon have an opportunity to apply for an even better position at work. I'm enrolled in Web Design, Figure Sculpture, Modeling 1, and Digital Painting: every teacher I have this year is fantastic, entertaining, and artistically flamboyant in their own way (As any great art teacher should be).
    I received my early birthday package from my mom today, full of gorgeous clothes and my dream laptop. I don't know how she pulled it off, but I'm so grateful. I now have a portable digital studio for all of my art and schoolwork, in tandem with my newly acquired legitimate copy of Adobe's CS5.5 Design Premium. *SQUEE* The clothes fit amazingly, and despite my couple holiday-cookie pounds, I love the way I look in them :3 Also props to my parents for the pretty plum Nikon s4100 I got for Christmas, expect more pictures of me and my artwork to be popping up!
    I just joined a gym for the first time this week, and though I'm not very many days in, I already feel great physically and proud of myself for doing it; having work-out buddies is fantastic motivation too. I did so well with my 2011 resolution to lose weight I know I can keep up my 2012 resolution to get more fit and healthy.
    2012 marks the start of another happy year with Josh, and despite our long history and longer friendship, things have been great. It's invaluable to have someone to grow and mature alongside who understands everything about you. We're looking to move out together with our friends as roommates by this summer, and I can't wait.
     I can't believe I'll be twenty years old this Friday. Part of me is excited to be an adult, to move out and mature and enjoy the autonomy, another part of me is anxious that I'm gaining more and more responsibility and abandoning oh-so-familiar immaturity. Although the big 20 certainly isn't the 'fun' landmark birthday that 16 and 21 are, I'm extremely proud that I've done so well with my life and my choices so far; I'm not timid about moving forward because I've done better than I every expected. To date I've got a consistent 3.87 GPA at a noted four-year private college, a successful job in commissioned sales where I've been recognized multiple times for excellence in a field I never thought I'd end up in, and a happy, loving, and very fulfilling long-standing relationship.
     This morning as I drove down Hwy 87 in my well-earned little beater car that I'm so proud of, 80lbs lighter and 100% more confident than any previous year, I got to watch the sunrise. I realized that I was on my way to classes that I love in a field of study that I absolutely adore, and that despite my job-gripes I'm skilled and successful in my work as well as my education; I've made it. Despite the remnants of my inexperience, I'm finally an adult.

If I were my own Santa ...

     I love Christmas shopping: even when I was younger and had $10 in my pocket to divide between a dozen family members, I loved looking for gifts. The picking, planning, wrapping, and eminent surprise on Christmas day always excited me even more than the childhood excitement over what Santa would leave for me. This is the first year that I've had any substantial amount of money saved up for the holiday season ... I'm still a fairly poor college student working in retail, but thanks to frugal/smart/early shopping and several months of saving up I've managed to splurge on several people (especially my sister Nicole and brother Skyler).

      I'm not wanting for anything; I have pretty much everything I need and the few items I'd like to get in the future are expensive enough that I'd never expect them as presents, like my someday laptop. I did, however find some pretty cool things as I shopped for other people and have my own little Top 5 list for Santa. I wouldn't ask anyone to get my anything on it, but one of these days when I recoup from my holiday shopping spree I'll be getting them for myself. Birthday coming up soon? xD

1. A Kindle eReader

     I've always been a bookworm, but work and college life have limited my time and book access. The few times I find spare minutes I could use to read that guilty-pleasure Nora Roberts novel, I'm far from any kind of printed literature. Any eReader would be great, though I love everything I've heard about the Kindle and the access to e-library books. It'd definitely make getting and carrying my textbooks easier as well. ^_^

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005890G8Y/ref=famstripe_kt

2. A Nikon s3100 or s4100 Camera

     Quite literally anything besides a drugstore disposable camera would be a step up from my ten year old, AA battery, 3.2 megapixel Kodak camera. I've used it for years and never minded it, but now that it will no longer turn on, a new camera is definitely on my to-do list. In addition to being a cute girl with a rarely-updated facebook photo, my sculptures and art assignments need to be documented for a final portfolio and the cellphone camera shots are hardly professional. I'll never be one of those crazy DSLR kids with a camera that's worth more than my car, but a current point and shoot would be handy.

http://www.sears.com/shc/s/p_10153_12605_00353172000P?prdNo=1&blockNo=1&blockType=G1

3. Dr. Who Fan-girl Swag

    The wonderful menagerie of cheesy Doctor Who merchandise, especially The Van Gough Tardis print and anything David Tennant/10th Doctor related; as much as I love the show, I have absolutely nothing cool or commemorative. It's my favorite tv show of all time, Santa should really fix that :3

http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/posters/eaf4/?srp=14

http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/cellphone/a150/?srp=4

http://www.thinkgeek.com/computing/accessories/9223/?srp=11

http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/cubegoodies/8cff/?srp=22

4. Adorable Plushies

     I've seen too many cute plushies this year, though the quirky and often video game related ones are my favorites. The sushi and fuzzy microbes on ThinkGeek are definitely a winner. 

http://www.thinkgeek.com/clearance/on-sale/c4a6/
http://www.thinkgeek.com/clearance/on-sale/d351/

5. Clothes!

     More specifically, a gift card to H&M/Ross/Target etc ... or even someone to accompany me on a little shopping trip. I've got enough garments to cover my back, but I'd love some cute things I feel good about myself in that actually FIT me. I've dropped so much weight that even the clothes I've picked up along the way are far too big or baggy on me now. I know I'm not a kid anymore now that I actually want clothes for Christmas: shirts, jeans, blouses, bras, shoes, pretty much everything needs to be replaced. That's my mission for the upcoming year, so any cute clothes or accessories would be a huge hit with me <(^_^)>

Introduction to Sculpture

     I've got a few pictures of each project this year, my final is about halfway finished so there are a couple in-progress pictures of that. We work in sulfur based wax modeling clay, the same kind you'll see if you watch behind the scenes interviews for any animation studio. Each sculpture has an underlying armature, so there's a fairly technical aspect to each project as well as the artistic process. The armatures consist of varying gauges of wire, hot glue, plumber's epoxy, styrofoam, hot glue, and any other materials I might need to MacGuyver. I don't have any pictures of the naked armatures, but I'm sure I will next semester when I take Figure Sculpture. The grades I got are noted, and although I'm generally an A student, I'm even proud of my B's as Thomas Applegate's sculpture classes are notoriously graded.

Project #1 - Master Copy of Rodin's Meditaton (B+)
The reference from Stanford's Cantor Museum Sculpture Garden

The copy I made, my first foray into armature and modeling clay.

Project #2 - Hand of God (B)

We were tasked with, using our own hand as live reference, creating a narrative about God's hand in any literal, figurative, silly, or serious sense we could think of. My piece started out as tendrils of energy catching falling figures to symbolize our sense of security in God as our safety net. The tendrils and figures developed into something far more creepy, and in my mind the concept changed to how entangled we become in religions and dogmas. Our respective belief systems can entrap us in life and separate us from those whose struggles are akin to our own.

Project #3 - Animal Morph (A-)

This time we were told to create a creature, mythical or realistic, that was a combination of three different animals. The mix was supposed to be 40/40/20 % but mine turned into a more blended amalgamation of a Ball Python head and neck and the body, tail, and arms of both a lion and a velociraptor. My beloved animal, dubbed the Pylocilion, was the only project so far that I got an A of any kind on.

Project #4 - Final: Creature/Mythological/Gravity (TBD)

As I said, this guy is in progress and due 12/15, I'll update this blog post with finished pictures and a grade. He's a stone golem who will be emerging from a rocky mountainside. I went the extra mile, as the last frame shows, and gave him led eyes and a lit geode in his belly. Going well so far, I hope he turns out as successful as the handsome Pylocilion!

Short, Sweet, and Light!

     I'm dying to get back into blogging, so I plan on updating much more often but for the moment, just a quick update, I met all the goals I set for myself last year. I've lost a total of 80lbs, am a size 10/12, and feel fabulous. Some people gain the freshman fifteen, I lost the sophomore eighty ^_^ I've learned new ways to live and cook, as expensive as organics might be, and am loving life. I've recently chopped my hair into a ruby red severe a-line to match the new curves, and am in the process of grabbing new clothes that fit when I can afford them.

     Things have been solid with my high school sweetheart for almost a year straight, after all of our ups and downs we've finally managed a serene balance in our now-adult working lives. One of these days we'll have the means to live together, but for the moment we juggle weekends and evenings nicely.
     My 4th term at Cogswell (counting summer semester) is over next week, grades as good as ever. Although the material gets more challenging I've managed to do much more than keep my head above water; College and I have been kind to each other.

     I'm jumping for joy as I count down the days until Christmas Eve, the day I drive to my mom's house in frosty Southern Oregon for a home cooked white Christmas with the family. Cookies, old movies, presents, cocoa, and family galore. It's always nice to spend the holiday with those who truly cherish it; my mom has always made even the most frugal holiday seasons an absolute extravaganza of yuletide spirit. I've already finished my shopping and wrapping, early as it is. For now I wait, make sugar free cocoa, and watch classic Christmas movies :D I'll be off to the Vasona Lights tomorrow night with my San Jose family, followed by low-carb cookie baking and finishing touches on my sculpture final project. I'll be posting pictures of this semester's Introduction to Sculpture projects soon!

Getting Ready for the Holiday Season - Low Carb Style!

Low Carb Peanut Butter Cookies

1.3 grams of carbs per cookie
Makes about 40

1/2 cup sugar-free chunky peanut butter
3/4 cup heavy cream 
1/2 cup chopped pecans 
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
4 packets of sugar substitute 
2 tablespoons soy flour 
1 teaspoon baking powder

Pre-heat oven to 375 F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper or a non-stick baking mat, or spray it with non-stick cooking spray. In a large mixing bowl blend together all ingredients. Drop by teaspoons on prepared baking sheet. Bake about 10 minutes or until set. Cool for 1 minute on baking sheet then remove to wire racks to cool completely.

Low Carb Almond Sugar Cookies

1-1/4 cup almond flour
1 cup Splenda
1/4 cup butter, at room temperature
1 large egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
additional Splenda, for decorating

Pre-heat oven to 350 F. Line baking sheets with parchment paper or a non-stick baking mat. Stir together flour and Splenda. Blend in butter, egg and vanilla until well mixed. Form into 1-inch balls on a cookie sheet and flatten each with a fork. Sprinkle with additional Splenda. Bake for 8 minutes or until set but not brown. Allow to cool for 2 minutes on baking sheet then remove to wire racks to cool.

Low Carb Snickerdoodles

Makes about 26

1/2 cup butter, softened
1-1/2 cups ground almonds
1 cup granulated Splenda
1 large egg 
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon baking soda 
1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar 
2 tablespoons granulated Splenda 
1 teaspoon cinnamon

In a medium bowl, beat butter until creamy. Add half the ground almonds, 1 cup Splenda, egg, vanilla, baking soda and cream of tartar. Beat until well combined. Beat in remaining ground almonds. Cover and chill in bowl for 1 hour. Pre-heat oven to 350 F. In a small bowl, combine the 2 tablespoons Splenda and the cinnamon; mix well. Roll chilled dough into 1-inch balls. Gently roll each ball in the cinnamon-Splenda mixture to coat and place 2 inches apart on an ungreased baking sheet. Bake 10-12 minutes until lightly browned at the edges. Carefully remove from pan to cooling rack to cool completely.

Low Carb Hot Cocoa

Makes about 4

3 cups half and half
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa
4 tablespoons Splenda or your favorite sugar substitute (add more or less to taste)
extra cream for whipped topping (optional)

Heat half and half in saucepan over medium heat, add cocoa and Splenda, wisking continuously. Do not allow to come to a boil. Add whipped cream for garnish if desired.

Love and Art

I found a piece I wrote during my senior year of high school, when I was still learning and coming to terms with what I went through. Though my views have amended to conclude that damaged love can be rebuilt and reconstituted, I find my previous insights no less intriguing.

     "Some people say that art is a reflection of emotion, of love, but in reality they are one and the same. Love is an art and art is a combination of all of the emotions involved in true love; a painting can show a wide range of color, can use more colors to create an image than the eye can recognize. One might see a picture of a beautiful woman and not realize that her even skin tone is a combination of ocher, crimson, chartreuse, and azure. In this same sense, a true loving relationship might appear simple and elegant, but is composed of trust, anger, affection, frustration, patience, and honesty. There is always more than meets the eye in a skillfully crafted relationship, as in any good painting.
     Love, like oil paints on canvas, begins blank. It develops through small strokes and layers, like the tiniest connections and bonds that from between people. A multitude of colors and thoughts and feelings are incorporated in the process of building this image. When an oil work is finished and dried, we admire it. The elegance and balance is astonishing; the skill and time involved in creating something beautiful does not go unnoticed. Such a painting might become a prized work that serves as an ideal or example to future artists. Yet, over time, oil paint cracks. Onlookers who view the painting regularly may not notice the colors fading, the warm tones and soft hues steadily yellowing. They would not be immediately alarmed as the top layers of the scene began to crumble and flake off of the under-painting. Someone who saw the painting for the first time, even a person who is unfamiliar with art, who realize that the once-blue skies have transformed to a sickly aqua. They would see that lush plant life browned and withered over time. An unfamiliar viewer would see the cracks and chips and question why no one ever tended to them.
     We, who treasure love as we do priceless oil paintings, would eventually try to restore the masterpiece. We would attempt to repair the damage, perhaps even paint over the layers upon layers of crackled image within the frame, but the damage would be there. The original, beautiful, skilled strokes that once graced such a lovely scene would be long-since faded and ruined. Perhaps centuries later viewers would be unaware of what the colors were originally meant to be. Future viewers would not lose the sense of awe that the original appreciators had, but that awe would be centered around the age of the painting as well as its survivability over the years rather than the beauty it once represented. Love is a painting. It is a layered scene of emotion, trust and affection that should be elegantly framed within stability and mutual dependence. An artist puts their heart on canvas as surely as a lover puts their into another's hands, though hearts are rarely treated with the due reverence that priceless oil paintings are.
     Our idealist nature romanticizes art as much as it does true love. We are forever seeking the vitruvian man of emotional connections; our views of relationships and love are often as skewed as the proportions of the human figure throughout artistic history. We often seek unrealistic perfection in both and thus the realistic experiences in daily life seem to pale in comparison. It is only upon our realization that elegant oil figures on canvas are skewed that we can love someone. We love fine works of art for their flaws, not in spite of them, an the same should apply to people in our lives. The smallest mistakes in the under-painting of a scene, disproportionate measures of a statue, or lengthened perspective in a drawing are all flaws to be embraced. Though, not all flaws may be overlooked. In love, as in art, there are certain standards that must be met.
    We might value a painting for its unique character, but if vital pieces were missing, or huge mistakes made on the part of the artist, the finesse of the painting would be lost. No one would have the kind of reverence for the Mona Lisa that they do if she had no nose. Onlookers would, in fact, become disillusioned and disappointed in their once-favorite artist. There are some fundamental mistakes that shake a person to the very core; if these mistakes are made in a loving relationship, one partner might see fit to forgive, but the disappointment and disillusionment would linger like a gash across canvas. There is, unfortunately, no way to repair such damage. Once a painting is torn, it can be patched but the integrity of the artist's work is forever lost. Trust can be rebuilt, but the mistake that damaged it cannot be undone.
     there is no end to the list of similarities and comparisons between love and art. They are integral to one another and inexplicably intertwined in the human psyche. Art is an extension of ourselves that is responsible for love, in all its macabre splendor. For any artist, the two are irrevocably paired; our work is influenced by the emotions and reflects all of the torn canvases we have endured."