Puppies and Gremlins

I'm not sure how odd it is to think in extended metaphors, but I usually do. When I'm trying to make sense of things or think about emotions, the visual part of me tends to kick in and create some kind of metaphorical imagery to illustrate where my mind is going, and when those metaphors are interesting or I feel they effectively describe what I'm feeling I jot them down. While trying to take stock of my emotional and mental state earlier today, I came across yet another extended metaphor.

I was always told that 'every day is a gift' and implored to uphold the mentality that we should always be grateful to be alive. What I've realized after everything I've been through, is that each day is quite literally a present ... a mysteriously shrouded or wrapped thing we know is awaiting us, the contents unpredictable and the possibilities unlimited ... yet more often than not those presents contain nothing we ever wanted.

When I mention unwanted presents, I'm not referencing the pair of socks from grandma that all little kids threw to the side on Christmas morning, I mean the kind of present that you want to fling back at the giver with all your might. This is where my mental metaphor really started to kick in. It's as though every day you wake up to a wrapped present and the first thing you do in the morning is open it: you've been told your whole life that if you try your hardest and do well that you'll be rewarded by, say, a puppy. What no one told you as a child is that nine times out of ten you'll unwrap, not a puppy, but some kind of gremlin.

In my mind, a 'puppy day' is one that (as every day does) will take some work. You've got to nurture it, care for it and tend to its needs, but it will love you in return. You end up with a fulfilling sense of affection and appreciation for the work that you put in. A 'gremlin day', in my experience, is one that comes unwrapped because you don't have to wait to find out what kind of day it's going to be. Unlike the puppy option, the gremlin takes your effort, affection, nurturing, and hard work and simply devours it. It drains you of all the energy and emotion you have to give and screeches for more. It slaps you awake, spits in your coffee, and follows you around all day to insult, demean, and belittle you. It whispers horrible thoughts in your ear until your self-worth and confidence have melted and then laughs and demands even more of your effort. When you think you're about to escape it, that gremlin follows you home and continues its work late into the night, affecting even your dreams. I'm pretty sure everyone knows what I'm talking about when I say that a gremlin kind of day is when you wake up late, with a headache; you feel exhausted before your eyes open. You feel drained and empty and have no interest in interacting with other human beings and are unable to see the positive side of any of your efforts because everything seems so overwhelming. You simply struggle through from morning until nighttime with fragmented hope that tomorrow will be a 'puppy day'.

The other part that no one tells you as a child is that when you unwrap a puppy and experience that rare sense of fulfillment, it goes away in the evening. It fades away and you toy with chance again the next morning, wishing and hoping another puppy day comes along. The good fades, but the gremlin sticks with you for several days at a time: when it should fade away it instead clings to your subconscious and claws at your hope. When you keep unwrapping gremlins every morning they fester and multiply rather than fading until it feels as though no amount of 'puppy days' will ever counteract the damage that has been done.

When people describe feeling as though they've got a 'cloud over their head' I imagine the gaggle of vicious, unwanted, gremlin fiends they've opened every morning throughout the last week and hope that their next puppy will be strong enough to fight them off. So with regards to that, I say I've experienced a slew of gremlins and weak puppies and hope someone out there will understand what I mean.