Keep pushing till the end

I'm almost finished with high school now, freedom is so close I can almost taste it. Each day at this point is simply a grind to get through it, and the next day, until I escape into the real world. Everyone says high school is the best time of your life, and I will admit that I've had some good experiences and great memories, but I know that it's time for me to move on; I want to move forward in my education, my career, and my exploration of self in ways that high school simply cannot accommodate. Soon I'll be able to bid my anxiously awaited 'adieu', but until then I leave a poem my Edna St. Vincent Millay that caught my interest.

"I will put Chaos into fourteen lines

I will put Chaos into fourteen lines
 And keep him there; and let him thence escape
 If he be lucky; let him twist, and ape
 Flood, fire, and demon --- his adroit designs
 Will strain to nothing in the strict confines
 Of this sweet order, where, in pious rape,
 I hold his essence and amorphous shape,
 Till he with Order mingles and combines.
 Past are the hours, the years of our duress,
 His arrogance, our awful servitude:
 I have him. He is nothing more nor less
 Than something simple not yet understood;
 I shall not even force him to confess;
 Or answer. I will only make him good."

-- Edna St Vincent Millay

Long, long ago ...

What can I say, it has been ages since I last posted. I'm a different person, in a different situation, with a changed outlook on life ... the girl who wrote something on here last February is officially gone. In some sense I'm still me, but I was forced to mature in ways I didn't think were possible. I'm less naive, more aware and analytical, and slightly less trusting (albeit with good reason). I've developed a lot as person, found a sense of identity and self-worth that I once lacked. What I had to, and still have to occasionally, feel is something I wouldn't wish on anyone yet neither is it something I would erase. The course of events over these last few months has taught me valuable lessons about myself and my fellow man that are simply priceless. Thank you, to those people who treated me poorly and broke me down, without you I wouldn't have found the motivation to change myself and my situation for the better.

On a lighter note, gracious thanks to those friends of mine who treated me well and still do. The few of you have been more helpful and supportive than I ever could have imagined. Your presence in my life makes those hard days more bearable and the good days more wonderful; I wish wonderful things for each of you. Special thanks to someone in Santa Barbara, CA for making me laugh and smile even on the worst days. Just talking to you makes me feel the happiest I've been in years <3

I'm more than ready to escape highschool, to move on to college and then greater things. This transition used to frighten me, but now I await it anxiously in hopes of continuing to improve myself.

I've been diving into artwork and other creative ventures as of late, doing more constructive and positive things with my life. Pictures of my new pieces will be coming soon. Painting has given me a sense of solace, sculpting grants me a period of contemplation, sewing has nurtured a drive and creativity that I never knew I had, and music serves as an outlet for what I can't say.

I've been seeing a therapist as of late, who has helped me analyze my life and my relationships (family and otherwise). She has been immensely helpful and supportive as well, forcing me to talk when I need to but don't know how. Being able to find my voice for the first time in years has had a huge impact on me and those in my life.

I also went to Camp Everytown, it's an experience that is impossible to describe. I must simply say that I hope everyone has a chance to experience something similar in their lifetime, because it truly changed me for the better. I have an even more extended family and amazing friends because of it.